Drink in that sweet Vegas air.
Las Vegas is, indisputably, a feast for all your senses. From the bright lights to the thumping music to the amazing food to the people who will touch you however you want to be touched for an hourly price, even a brief walk down the strip presents an onslaught of sensory information.
For me, the most dramatic sensory experience of Las Vegas has always been the smells: the weird, confusing, overwhelming odors that don’t commonly exist anywhere else. Inspired by my recent trip to Sin City, here are a few of the signature scents you’ll find in Las Vegas:
1. 3 a.m. Casino Carpet
Where You’ll Smell It: In the slots section of a casino, at 3 a.m.
Top Notes: Stale cigarette smoke, cheap whiskey
Base Notes: Polyester, industrial carpet cleaner.
Description: Casino Carpet Smell cumulates and reaches its apex in the early morning hours, when the diehard gamblers are still parked at their “lucky” slot machines and a lone janitor is slowly, methodically steam-cleaning the carpets around their feet. It’s a very, very sad smell.
2. Sexually Frustrated Douchebags
Where You’ll Smell It: Outside the clubs after last call.
Top Notes: Axe body spray, sweat, testosterone.
Base Notes: Grey Goose and desperation.
Description: When you pass a big group of frat guys heading back to the hotel after a night of clubbing, and they’re sweaty and drunk and mad they didn’t lock down a hookup, their collective scent is overwhelming and unmistakable.
3. Abandoned Stilettos
Where You’ll Smell It: Anywhere a drunk girl has abandoned her high heels — on the side of the road, in the VIP cabana at the club, in the hotel elevator, etc.
Top Notes: Sweaty feet, pleather.
Bottom Note: Blister.
Description: “Sensible footwear” is not a popular phrase in Las Vegas. Combine this with the classic drunk girl habit of dramatically removing their shoes after their third Jäger Bomb, and you have a city that’s littered with orphaned 5-inch heels.
4. Decorative Potted Fern That May Or May Not Have Vomit In It
Where You’ll Smell It: Wafting from a potted plant near the entrance to a buffet.
Top Notes: Moss, bile.
Bottom Note: Partially digested daiquiri.
Decription: There’s that moment when you’re waiting in line for a buffet when you get a whiff of something funky, and one of your friends is like, “Is that vomit?” and another one is like, “Is it coming from that plant?” and you all shudder, plug your noses, and forget about it 20 minutes later because dude, all-you-can-eat crab!
5. Seriously Though Did Someone Just Have Sex In This Elevator?
Where You’ll Smell It: Hotel elevator.
Top Notes: Vagina.
Bottom Notes: For real though it smells like vag in here.
Description: Self-explanatory.
6. The Belly Of The Mall
Where You’ll Smell It: In the middle of a sprawling mall, underneath a hotel, miles away from the nearest fresh air, with no concept of how to get out.
Top Note: Poor air circulation, the Wilsons Leather Outlet.
Bottom Note: The hopeful essence of a distant Cinnabon.
Description: Las Vegas shopping centers are set up exactly like Las Vegas casinos and hotels: they’re huge and purposefully confusing to navigate so you will be trapped inside for hours without fully realizing you’re trapped. When you have walked for miles and finally reached the deepest belly of the mall, past the third Starbucks and to the right of the fifth Aldo, you will feel a mix of triumph and panic. You’re probably never getting out. Might as well buy yourself a Louis Vuitton bag, right?
7. Pool Party
Where You’ll Smell It: At the Treasure Island pool on a Saturday afternoon.
Top Notes: Chlorine, sweat, Budweiser.
Bottom Note: Melting spray tan.
Description: This scent is never not accompanied by a Sean Paul remix.
8. $14/Slice Food Court Pizza
Where You’ll Smell It: A hotel food court at an hour you shouldn’t be awake.
Top Notes: Congealed cheese, marinara sauce.
Bottom Note: A handful of sweaty $5 bills.
Description: Sometimes you’re so hungry and drunk that a $14 slice of crappy cheese pizza not only smells AMAZING, but is worth every penny.
